Commitment is a hard thing to find now a days. I’ll boil this down real quick. Stop waiting for the next best thing. Choose something and stick with it. Get to know the goods and bads of the thing you chose.
It’s a common issue in my generation but it makes sense doesn’t it? Wouldn’t you want the best thing for the job, so to speak. Well yeah, unless that job is about a person and that person is the person you are thinking you will spend your life with. Unlike family the person you choose to marry is with you, thick and thin etc etc. You made that choice. The problem is we don’t commit to smaller things in our lives and thus the commitment to larger things becomes difficult. I looked back on my elementary, middle and high school class and saw an alarming number that are divorced or never married. We are all in the beginning 30’s (at the time I am writing this) and that, to me, is a staggering number.
Along that tangent is the statistic of arranged marriages. They show a correlation between commitment and delayed gratification. As oppose to seeking the next best thing and never committing. Whats more interesting is love and it’s connection with marriage, “Being in love is not a good reason to get married. It’s about the long haul.” Arranged marriage[s] [are] based on the concept that love is a fleeting emotional response, so it deliberately brings a whole range of factors into the equation.” Which in my opinion is spot on. You can ask any married couple of ten plus years about the ups and downs and how some times they didn’t “feel” love for their spouse. More over at emotion are never a good idea to make decisions with, make a decision, stick to it and the emotions will follow.
On a deeper psychological note I believe a lot of this has to do with conditioning from the media. Stop and really think about the sitcoms and movies from the 80’s to now… Husbands are portrayed as bumbling morons that got their prize (their wife) and have stop trying, stop being romantic or whatever. Woman are shown to be the head strong go-getters that have to run and manage the house hold while work 40 to 50 hours a week. T.V. shows show young people getting into relationships, using each other for gratification then dumping them when they have a minor issue. Sex is sold to the single person as the litmus test for a good long last relationship. God forbid two people don’t take the time to practice and get good at something. No, that requires commitment; time, energy and the like that has no guarantee it will last. Just as marriage, they take time to get better and like wine get better over time. But unlike wine people have to work on it to make it better. Love does not conquer all, hard work, commitment and love conquer all.
It’s that lasting effect the millennial generation seems so afraid of, doesn’t it? You put in possibly hundreds of house to only to break it off and be left alone. The problem is the lack of vision for what they did gain through the hardship. I have a picture at my desk that reassures me every time I look at it, “You have survived 100% of bad situations so far, those are great odds you will survive the next one.” The millennial gains wisdom, experience and over all maturity, usually through said hardships. But their lack of vision in seeing this is one of the issues. Either because they are not taught or feel like they should have and don’t bother to pick up the mantel and go out and learn it themselves. That’s the issue now isn’t it? Picking up the mantel takes discipline, effort and pain…
“You have survived 100% of bad situations so far, those are great odds you will survive the next one.”
When I think about the millennial generation I think about the counter to it, Martial Arts. The martial world requires dedication, endurance and patience. Martial Arts has a great deal of pain involved and it’s usually self inflicted. The millennial indecision is the opposite of this; quick, as painless as possible and if it takes too long move on. This mind set is heralded as multitasking or extroverted ambitiousness. BUNK! BUNK I SAY! There is nothing wrong with ambitiousness but I have known plenty of “ambitious” people who are going no where fast.
What is an issue without a solution:
Number one thing I would advise, relax and stop before making a decision. Whether that be about a person or a thing or a direction to go. Especially with a person. Really consider the person. Sure they are not the cutest person in the bunch but do you really know them could you really figure them out that quickly. Stop and think before condemning this person to the recesses of your mind simply before she wore a dress that was not flattering (maybe as compared to the rest) or her attitude that night may be off. She maybe having a bad day.
What ever direction you choose look into the gains even if there is loss. The path you are choosing my be hard and require more of your time and money but what is the outcome compared to the shorter cheaper route? I don’t sit at my desk to paint thinking, “Well if this takes more than a hour I’m just going to stop.” No I look it over and do what it takes to get it done.
Delayed gratification is the hallmark humanity. As of late it seems to be slipping. But the uptick seems to be coming back – this post being an example of that. So lets stop and contemplate the people in our world, the actions we make and find the path not of least or most resistance but one that works and stick to it.
- Statistic Brain: Arranged / Forced Marriage Statistics
- Arranged Marries: To Love or to Arrange?
- Bing: “Millennials Decision Making”